Busy Year

Well...it has been a long time since I used this site to post my thoughts, I need to be better about using such resources. I have to also revamp a bunch of things to better represent who I am as an artist and teacher. I have been working for a year at Kenneth Henderson Middle School in Garden City, Kansas and it has been very busy. I also need to collect all my resources in one spot and create a virtual portfolio of sorts.....I'd like to make my own website but the only place I don't have to spend huge amounts of money is Wix, and the design elements are kinda limited. It looks as if I'll be recommended for renewal which is awesome, I like working here and the city isn't bad overall. Unsure as to whether it will go longer than an extra year though. Trying to streamline my curriculum for the next year and still get everything into it that is needed for the kids to grow. Also need to work on using the technology more. Well, I'll be back shortly to update.

Moving On

It is strange being out of school.....I am certainly not where I want to be right now, but I know I have the skills to do better, I just need to figure out how to go about doing that. I especially need to figure out how to stay motivated to draw and take pictures with the limited time available to me, last little while I have been so exhausted from working, mostly because it is physically demanding that even on my days off I don't seem to have enough energy to do much. When I do I spend it applying for teaching jobs, so I really don't have much time off....most days I just want to sleep and not wake up. So this is why motivation is difficult.....I need to find a way to not feel mired down, I'm trying some self-hypnosis stuff, but that doesn't seem to have any real lasting effect....but even extending the placebo effect would be better than nothing. Student loans are coming due and most of them don't want to grant forbearance even though I'm making squat, just enough to get by on....so I can understand the desire to just pull the covers over my head and say enough. Not much more to say at this point.....just that it feels like my creative energy has been sucked out of me.

Final Stretch

Last three months of school.....my Concepts of Art wraps in two weeks and we have an art history comprehensive, then April I have another comprehensive that covers my major, which is due no later than the 16th (I only get 5 days to write about it though). I meet with my advisor the end of this week to select images, then I need to cut mats, do prints, order special prints frame everything and then have them ready to show on the 24th of April, that's when my MFA show starts, and we have an opening reception on the 27th of April from 6:30 to 9:30. This is the same night as the Spring Gallery Walk here in Hays, but my show is on campus at the Robbins Center, which is a little out of the way. I will also be displaying 15 Black and White high contrast images on the projection screen.

After this is done I have an Oral exam to discuss my work and show...*sigh*...and as soon as I get at least one more letter of reference I can resume my job hunt for teaching positions. Needless to say that despite all the work its taken to get here, the job hunt is both the scariest and most frustrating.

I discovered that I managed to win first place in the State of Kansas in Web Stories on a piece I did for News Reporting last semester on Habitat for Humanity. They will be putting the story up for the National awards...being as I didn't really expect to get something for writing and production, this is a nice surprise.

Got a new book I would recommend to anyone who uses a camera, especially those of you who like taking people pictures. It's called "Picture Perfect Practice", by Roberto Valenzuela. I have just started it and its already been very helpful, especially in the way its set up.

It might help me nudge my work just that little bit to get past the barrage of finalist positions and actually win more competitions, that would be awesome.

I wish I could shake this feeling of ennui though.....it has been a struggle to even get a few pieces finished, let alone try and do anything really outside the box.....ideas seem to solidify and just as I try and sketch them out they drift away like smoke.....and when I'm not beating my head in trying to make the creative energies swirl, I feel like I'm circling a huge drain and am going to get sucked in never to be seen again.....some call it the artists curse.....dunno what it is, but it can go away anytime now.

The semester comes to an end....finally...

O.K. grades are back and I got the expected B's from the professor who decided he was no longer going to teach me my major, this was after I had already done my first grad committee revue and passed it (this is one of the three times the committee can decide to just turf you out of the program or put you on probation if they feel your work isn't up to snuff, the other two are Preliminary Orals and the Final Orals). If he had an issue with me this is when it should have come up, to top this off he never even let me know why, and to my knowledge he never spoke to the department head or the Dean or the department about any problems either, he just sent out an email that told me and my committee that he was done with me. The whole thing pretty much violated the code of conduct and I had to get the Dean of the graduate school and the President of the university involved before anything could be done about my continued education. The rest of the faculty and staff have been great about trying to find a solution, which I believe we have. Anyway, I go in to speak to the Dean of Arts & Sciences to arrange the rest of my Major classes around this professor so that I can finish my MFA because they seem to think that with the awards I have won and the credit I have received merits that I at least get the attempt to finish. All of this was under a huge shroud because we didn't want the professor who is pissed off at me for whatever reason (anyone who knows me can't believe he went off like he did, especially at me) to hit me with crap grades, I still didn't get the A's he had been giving me, but he also didn't flush them down the toilet either. This is something I am willing to live with for the long term gain, I hope. I crapped out on my Art History final because I was stressed out, but gratefully I got a B overall there as well, so hard work does pay off. This next semester is when I prepare for my Preliminary oral exam, and I hope that my work doesn't suffer for the stresses of late, I need to speak with who will be taking over my advisor duties and determine what will be expected of me.....anyway, there is liable to be more later.

Addendum: getting the classes squared away, just the paperwork that needs to go through and then I'll be working with someone else to get through the rest of MFA...Yay!

Changes, Changes, Changes....

Well, the worst two weeks of my current life have almost past me....I have a slightly new direction and new people to work with....well, I've worked with them before and respect their artistic ideas. The last three semesters are going to require a lot of work with the final semester possibly consisting of 18 credit hours just to get the last 6 hours for my journalism certification along with my MFA. Yes that is slightly insane, but I figure if it is worth it I should at least try. The biggest stress I have to deal with now is being able to afford to print at least two decent sized pieces a semester, and I don't mean 16x20 either, I'm looking at possibly 32x32 or even bigger. I want to see if getting a decent, but smaller inkjet and using some of the techniques I've seen for transferring images will help me reduce the overall costs. The professor I will be working with from now on thinks that my documentary work is my strongest, especially the stuff that seems to evoke emotions. She thinks that the mirrors are interesting, but that they lack a certain punch to them. So that is two professors that think they create interesting ideas, but may be too gimmicky for Thesis work. I find myself in complete agreement on this as I will be looking for work when I am finished, and don't really see that type of work getting me very far. My versatility is a key factor in my development, and I will keep experimenting with different ideas, but I will be focusing on people and places that seem to impact me on an emotional level. My professor and I will also be exploring the works of the best in the field, both from the past and present, and reviewing what we see as being the reason their work is so successful. I don't want to go into great detail about the circumstances behind the change, suffice to say that those involved in helping me make this transition did their very best to accommodate my needs as an artist and student, and that I am still somewhat in the dark as to the circumstances that propagated this need for a change. My next semester is my last one where I will be exploring my craft, then I have to present for my preliminary oral exam, which is where I present my work and discuss my ideas and direction. Then all my work is geared to my thesis, with a review at the end of each semester to discuss my work and assemble my thesis show. Lots of work ahead of me....sort of disappointed that things couldn't have progressed more smoothly, fighting with depression and spiking blood sugar doesn't help in feeling more positive I suppose, but I feel like all we do is work our butts off and don't get much to show for it and our lives are already half over, pretty much. I know we should have 40 or more years, and that people out there are worse off and still make do, so I guess that makes me a little selfish to want something nice to happen for a change.....I have enough character, thanks much.

The Semester Creeps.......

Seems like everything has slowed down....majorly....trying to keep from feeling like I'm in a rut and only barely succeeding. Things are improving slightly with my daughter, so that is a plus. I am starting to print some of my pics for Problems:Photography and my grad committee review I would like to set up for around mid-term. Still need to send away for the pics I want done big....course that gets expensive.....16x20 prints are as big as I can afford right now though, and only a blessed few of those. No word from KC on whether I will get a show or not. Have to email the new library director about the March show here, then get with the other artist about setting stuff up. Deciding what I want to send in to Photographer's Forum, the Five State Show and R.O.A.R....need to set up my stuff to send in to CPOY (College Photographer of the Year) as well, but I feel slightly intimidated. Not sure if I have enough money for any other shows though, *sigh*.....on a regimen of St. John's Wort to stave off the worst of the anxiety and frustration. Homecoming is next week, so parade pics, bonfire pics etc., Nd I want to do some close up work using some of my older photos and possibly magazine layouts, course they will be all broken up so no one should recognize them much.....going to try and use silicon to help hold the mirrors together at the angles I need. Course I got into MOCA (Museum of Computer Art), and got third place and an honorable mention in one of the local contests I entered. I also received a letter from the president of the University congratulating me on all my achievements to date, feels kinda nice to get the recognition, but it is not something I'm really used to. Some days I wish I was done and had a decent job, others I wonder what I will wind up doing or where we'll be living, because I have no idea, and probably won't until I start looking near the end of my schooling. Anyway, here's to the possibility of a rosy outcome, despite our proven track record.

Fall Semester 2010

looks like the new semester wil be on the interesting side, I expect that I will see a whole lot of new faces, especially in Art History. I have done my firstseries of documentary images and will be submitting to CPOY (College Photographer of the Year) soon, I will also be sending a proposal to the KCAC (Kansas City Artists Coalition) to see if I can get a show in Kansas City. I will also be checking out galleries in Denver, Oklahoma City and possibly Omaha as well. Look into their proposal process, mostly to build a decent show record outside Kansas if possible. If I make money as an artist that would be great, but I will be happy making my money teaching, either at the college level or K-12. Not sure if people will catch on to my ideas or not, and I still haven't seen anyone else doing the same thing as I am, though a number of fellow artists here think the idea is really cool. I want to try and do a couple of series, one using candles perhaps, one using the IR filter and possibly one doing portraits that are fractured. This will hopefully give me enough material over time to complete my thesis show and catalog. Then it is just a matter of finding cheap, but quality printing for 30 or so catalogs. I think I will choose one of the English professors to replace the person on my Grad committee that is leaving and I will likely be working more weekends and evenings than anything this semester, that allows me to practice sports photography and other forms of photojournalism. I am going to try and contact Kris Kuksi this semester sometime and see if he will let me document his creative process, that would be an interesting opportunity for documentary photography I think. I will continue to submit to Photographer's Forum and one or two other higher profile competitions as well as the local shows (5 state and ROAR, both around October). progress is being made with Rhiannon, though it is slow going....such is the nature of changing behavior issues. I think the things I have learned from conflict management through communication have been extremely helpful in how I approach many of the disruptions in our lives. truly a worthwhile experience for an elective. We lucked out and salvaged an awesome office chair from the school, it was destined for the garbage heap, but we rescued it and now with the simple replacement of the wheels it works great. Anyway, we'll see what the semester brings, after getting my macro lens (probably a Sigma 50mm and my IR filter and strap, I want to see if I can get a 2 TB external for storing pictures on....we'll see if the funds are there.

What am I missing??

I take a look at what are supposed to be "amazing" photos.....some are...most I could do equally well or better with the right subject/location. Yet I feel as if somehow I am missing something.....I have received accolades from my professors for my creative ideas and my perspective when doing regionalist pictures. Many of those same pictures have gotten me finalist or honorable mention (only one second place so far)....I haven't yet submitted the new stuff to any local shows so I have no idea how well it will be received, but like I said, my profs like it. In some of these competitions, I know the judging is subjective, but I try and see what they see in some of these pieces, and seem to miss the point completely. Any insight into this would be appreciated, many of my watcher love my work, and that really helps to know that my vision is at least partly accepted and appreciated. Between you, my professors and the consistency in which I get those honorable mentions/finalist positions, I have managed to keep a clear head, free from the nasty ramblings of losing my confidence......however, it would be nice to break that barrier more than once

The Cost of Education...

I have been researching grants and scholarships.....and that has been something of a disappointment. I'm either too old, too far into my schooling or not from a particular high school or whatever....the field has been narrowed dramatically as to what I can even apply for. Add this to the fact that somewhere around 80% of any extra money for school I can get that isn't loans, involves entering one competition or another, which of course costs money to even try, with no guarantee that the juror will even have a clue as to what your artistic vision is...such is the subjective nature of art or photography competitions. So I have managed to squirrel away $10 for the WPGA (World Photography Gala Awards/3 pieces). Now the trick is saving $35-45 x3 or 4 for a few other shows out of a budget that already has us eating food that is horrible for us, because it's what we can afford and stave off hunger. Despite the fact that my wife could make cardboard taste good.....fatty foods and huge carbs is probably not so good for us when we want to lose weight...I suppose we could go without food completely for a month or so, or just eat white rice and ramen.....yea like that will happen. I suppose I will have to be judicious and set some money aside from the fall and next spring for the next round of shows.....the more I get in the better it looks for my committee when they review my work and effort. I am really enjoying the vortography aspect of my work and plan doing a series or two in the studio this fall with it, so I will have some awesome stuff to submit for some of these events I'm sure. I'm also going to speak with the Sculpture teacher who works in iron and aluminum and see whether we can come up with a device to house the mirrors properly, with handles and caps even to protect the mirrors from accidental damage. I hope there is something we can come up with between or after classes as I am not taking any sculpture classes. Also trying to decide if a Grad student counts as being a student or a professional....usually a BFA pushes you into that pro category, but I have yet to sell more than one or two pieces every couple of years. Still learning the ins and outs of Plug-In suite 5.1, but so far I think it has been worth the money.

RTist A Marketplace For Artists and Art Connoisseurs

RTist A Marketplace For Artists and Art Connoisseurs

Ups, Downs and Everything Between

well...life is, as usual, interesting (the type of interesting one hears about in Chinese proverbs or fortune cookies. Fun, fun...I failed to secure a spot in the Smoky Hill show, that was disappointing, however I did manage to get "Sadness" into the Sandzen Collegiate show in Lindsborg....very cool, now we just have to figure out how to get it there and try and get money to go to the opening if we can...probably won't be able to do more than ship it and provide return shipping however. My daughter will be getting moved to a school to handle special needs kids because she keeps having potentially dangerous outbursts in class, this will likely devastate her, especially as her friends will be staying where they are. She will likely have to attend this school through the summer to help her learn to control herself enough to mainstreamed back into regular school. This doesn't mean she isn't capable, just hard to deal with. We continue to tell her she is smart (she is), and that she'll learn to control her impulses better (hopeful). I haven't heard from Lines yet...fingers crossed, or the IPA and Photographers Forum for the Spring contest, we'll see what happens, August is usually when we hear from them. Grad Review is on the 16th of this month. 20 Photographs, 10 Digital/Multimedia Comps and 5 Drawings as well as a power point presentation. Then the usual grind until the end of semester when my paper and presentation needs to be finished. Discovering the "lost" art of Vortography has been amusing and exciting, hard to believe there hasn't been more exploration of it. I can only imagine what I will be able to do when I have my Macro and an IR Filter.....*sigh*. I continue to look for more ideas/compositions to use with this technique, but it helps me to use my camera to create some very interesting abstract images. Here's hoping we make it through the summer intact and into the fall.

Yay!!!!

Loneliness was chosen as a finalist in the Photographer's forum, this makes four of my pics to make it into their competition over the past couple of years. This thrills me to no end, shows I have consistently good images, not just by my standards. It would be nice to win even 4th place this year though as we could use the money and being placed in Nikon's emerging photographers hall of fame would be so awesome. I must be improving somewhat as I actually placed second with this photo in the five state, in the people category, not one of my stronger areas, but one I keep striving to work on. Grad school is somewhat intimidating, I go for my initial review after this semester and they will determine if I stay or go. Part of my thesis is to design and print 27 catalogs for the faculty and Graduate school, likely wind up printing 30 or so just to even up the printing and cutting order. That is going to be slightly expensive, as will setting up my thesis show, but I have until Spring 2012 to do that...*phew*...

I have a better show record than most of my fellow students, and others who have graduated with their masters, so I hope that indicates my work is sufficiently good enough quality to mean continued progress. I am shooting lots of sports and other events this semester so I should get the opportunity to capture some interesting things, and I am looking forward to getting into the studio to take some abstract or still life shots and maybe some portraiture. my plug-in software should get here in a day or so and I am looking forward to playing with that.

Patience

We are underway.....while I get the opportunity to work with the campus photographer and get more experience, the opportunities will be slim, so they need to use me for graphics and grunt media work as well to fill up my work study. We will be getting less than we had anticipated from our tax returns as our new windows only cont in removing taxes paid, which we don't have at the moment. So re-adjusting there is in order. Fighting more with my depression, just can't seem to wrestle it under control lately like I have been, and my blood glucose keeps spiking, so I'm trying to cut back on my calorie intake to lose more weight, which likely contributes. I have to meet with my drawing professor and my photography professor on Mondays to discuss my direction and show work accomplished in the drawing aspect. Art History is M/W/F, with a 1 hour meeting early on Tuesday mornings and Digital media runs 3:30-6:20 on Tuesday and Thursday, which is sorta fun as I am learning some animation, but the three hour class is tiring. that leaves me some room to work while I'm on campus.....and read when I'm not working, this is because I don't want my wife to waste gas coming to get me mid day, I can manage being on campus all day and then come home. I shot the Women and Men Basketball games and Mitch was happy with my first effort, not much in the way of advice on how to improve, just to remember to get as close as you can. I go out to shoot the MLK candlelight ceremony on Monday, then I'll see what other work they have for me....I hope there is plenty to do, and I'll be doing lots of after hour shoots, so I'll be getting home later than usual, and my social life will be non-existent (like I had much of one to begin). I'll be submitting to a couple of shows this year, and the photographers forum as well, but the student honors show is beyond my grasp now, only undergrads can enter. I have sent something to our on campus publication, Lines, and to the McNeese exhibition, now comes the waiting. There will be fewer opportunities to take classes in the summer, so I'll have to get a job either working for a photographer in town, or at one of the retail stores around here (retail is the most likely). I was contemplating doing my paper for art history on the development of photography as both art and otherwise through the two world wars. I'll have to see what material they have on it, failing that I'll probably write on Margaret Bourke White during the 40's, or one of the many other photography pioneers. I'll need lots of patience....especially as all I want to do right now is scream and go running off into the ether...I want this to be done, and yet I feel like this is the only way I'll be able to get to a point to really make something for my family, despite the mounting debt.I have to budget some equipment into the next few semesters aid, software is included in this.....still waiting for my Plug-in suite 5 to process and ship...that's frustrating as well. IR filter is one of my wish list items, a combat style d-ring strap (so I can wear the camera slung rather than around my neck), one of those periscope style eyepiece devices as getting very low to the ground is easy, its the getting up that is hard (knees are pretty messed up). Lenses would be nice, but they'll come in time starting with a macro, then a wide angle then a good telephoto. Well I'll stop rambling now....I think maybe I've vented enough so that I won't implode or something. I know not everyone reads this journal, and I kind of double post on my other two journals......maybe I should just keep updating all three.

Tis the Season

Solstice/Yule went without much issue, I smudged the house to chase away any remnants of negative energy of the previous year. Now its just being patient and seeing through the traditional observances of the season. I'm completely exhausted and yet exhilarated, the new year promises to be a decent one in so far as finding myself artistically and possibly even spiritually to a degree, there's always room for more positive growth. I have officially graduated, the ceremony is in May however, but I finished with a 3.62 GPA which means I get honors on my diploma, that excites me, growing up feeling I was stupid. I still fight with that nasty voice that likes to point out my failings, despite the fact that I am more than capable. We may or may not spend Christmas with family this year, bad weather and illness seem to be conspiring to keep us at home by ourselves this year, perhaps fate is trying to teach us to learn to be self reliant....still sucks for Rhiannon, who hurts and is now looking at missing her Christmas with grandma. So no I have to apply for my license which should be a formality, and I will officially be a teacher.....not so sure where I'm going to get my mentor ship year done with..or when. Anyway, such is life, best wishes to all in the new year.

Year's End

The year is coming to it's inevitable conclusion, I have been selected as one of 172 entries to be exhibited at the Five State Photo Exhibition, this is out of 489 applicants. I have seven days left of student teaching with only my final reflection needing to be turned in (this will be done shortly). I have no idea how well I have been doing save for the occasional comment from my sponsors and my advisor. The grade itself is something I will likely not see until after the class is done by a week or so. If I get an A....great, my GPA goes up to a 3.6+ for graduation, otherwise I'll probably pass ok. Been feeling kinda yuck lately....hard to describe it as anything else other than yuck. That voice in the back of your head that trash talks you, some people may not be aware of this creature, but many of us know who it is. Well, he's been tossing nasty comments my way, trying to weaken my self-confidence. Then there is the soreness in parts of my body that just won't go away, the right elbow to be more precise, which makes doing what I enjoy very difficult indeed. Suffer for thine work.....I know, I know....I'm just hoping it will all work itself out over time. The financial burdens, graduate school, working to become a "master photographer" and have it actually mean something more than just a diploma with my name on it. Anyway, we'll see what the next section of our journey has in store for us, more time for me to practice both drawing and painting and photography, Photoshop and Indesign. Looking at a two year membership to NAPP (National Association of Photoshop Professionals), getting more gear to help me do some amazing things, hopefully.....we'll see.

Midsemester

Well, I managed an Honorable mention at R.O.A.R., another student at FHSU got first place mixed media in the amateur category, but being as he is a grad student he really should have been in the professional category. The main reasoning for this is the rules state that if you have a Bachelor's degree in art, you are considered professional. Something I will be, next competition as I should get my degree after Christmas.....and being a graduate student means you have already achieved your bachelors degree...or so I thought....anyway, c'est la vie.

I have also made a decision to stay away from games like Evony and Travian, I spend time on them seeing how developed I can make my cities, this relieves stress for me.....go figure...micromanaging helping to alleviate stress. Anyway, I can put up with the occasional attack from random people setting me back a little, but all I seem to encounter are the trolls who spend every waking hour, and most of their RL resources buying themselves up, as well as allying themselves with groups of like minded cretins. One even had the nerve to send out over 6 attacks my way and then was expecting to have amicable negotiations with me to ask me a favor.....don't know about you guys...but if I get slapped in the mouth, I'm not inclined to be amicable with the person doing the slapping...let alone doing it multiple times. So I'm done with these truly unpleasant encounters, with truly unpleasant little twits.

My sponsor teacher and I will be co teaching the week leading up to the 23rd, gearing all our classes to make decorations for the cafeteria for a special day put on by the students and art club, then I will have two weeks left of teaching high school and return to the elementary school for my remaining five weeks. I have had awesome reviews by my university supervisor, and I get along well with my sponsor teacher as well, which is a plus. Her advice has been of great help to me in many ways. I look forward to finishing my tests and my FPA, then making sure I have copies of them so i may send them to other districts to apply for teaching positions. Mock interview day is on the 23rd as well, so I'll miss out on the festivities, which is unfortunate.

So the five state is this November, I'll try and find the entry fee somewhere, otherwise...I won't....I have pieces in several other competitions, but I always feel like I'm just missing it.....it would be nice to figure out what I need to do to get that nudge that would take me from just being on the edge of being good, to actually winning something more than once.....heck I'd be happy for a consistent second or third place.....guess that's just life, I just need to be patient until the right person sees the right piece and allows me some of that recognition that I'm doing alright.

Frustrated

Well...after having my new camera only a couple of months, I have to send it in to the service center of my choice on either the West Coast or the East....I kept getting "Error 30" every two or three shots, and occasionally it would happen every shot, so it made getting any decent shots even harder than usual because I was having to turn off the camera and turn it back on constantly. Everything I have checked on it says its a shutter malfunction and that new products are more likely to malfunction, well now it gets sent in under its warranty, of course the cost for insurance and shipping is mine, at least to the manufacturer....better that than lose almost a grand in camera equipment I guess. Frustrates the heck out of me as i won't see my camera again for at least three weeks.....maybe more, but its only three months since I got it ...or thereabouts. Will try to remain positive, and take my pieces down to ROAR next weekend......weekends seem shorter now I am technically working full time, but the days seem to fly by.

Another good talk

Another absolutely brilliant talk about creativity.

Progression

I have been student teaching for almost three weeks now, I am thoroughly enjoying myself and looking forward to some of my lesson ideas to see how well they do and how well they are enjoyed. I have lettering in the morning (otherwise known as artistic typography) and drawing, both are small classes and I feel lucky to have been able to start with them, despite some communication issues in the earlier class. I will be working with painting, Intro to art and crafts as I progress....the crafts class is the biggest and probably the most onrey, as it is the last class of the day and the majority of the students are freshmen...fun fun. I missed one day due to a migrane which I was annoyed about, and I am waiting for the FHSU education department to finish the new KPA, because I would like to get started on it. My university supervisor liked my first reflection even if the person who I'm supposed to turn them in to wasn't entirely happy with it....something about following a conceptual framework, which I thought I had.....but I guess that's the problem with conceptual things, if one is unaware of exactly how it needs to be framed or structured. Anyway, I will be doing lots of photography, though mostly of the journalistic variety, being Kappa Delta Pi historian and all, and trying to be involved in school events at my sponsor school and taking yearbook pictures along with the students. Financially, things are already beginning to be uncomfortable, and we are having to take a tougher stand with our daughter to try and get the message through to her that misbehaving and tantrums are not something she wants to pursue. I have also entered this years Photographer's Forum College contest, Popular Photography's contest and American Photographer's contest as well, though I can't shake the feeling its money wasted, you can't win if you don't try. Now I just have to figure out what I want to submit to R.O.A.R. and The Five State, go deeper into debt entering and printing/mounting the images I want in, then patiently waiting to see what happens. Guess that will do for now, I teach two photography classes for yearbook next week so I am stoked for that.

Disappointment etc.

Well, it seems I never made it past the finalist selection in a couple of places, that tends to be disappointing, but we move on and keep creating. I don't expect that I'll really get a lot of recognition, I always seem to be good, but not good enough. I know I need to get out and shoot/draw/paint more, and after my student teaching I really want to try, I also want to get some more tools to help improve the quality and impact of my work, both software and hardware wise. I also have to keep reminding myself that art and how well it fares is completely subjective, and I'll be pretty happy to find a teaching job where I can impart passion and skill to even a few kids, pay all my bills and allow us to live comfortably....that's the really important thing, and something I lose track of while trying to be competitive. I have accomplished more than some people ever get the chance to, and if I had just a little more raw talent and/or time to add to the skills I've developed I might actually manage a little more. For this reason alone I am looking forward to my grad studies, so I can have that time to work on things that I feel will help give my images just a little more impact, both photographed and drawn